I have a plan for you. Do you believe me? - God

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Last year, I was getting ready to settle down with the plus one. I was saving up for bills, emergencies, feeding someone other than myself, etc. But he and He had other plans for me, and in a snap, I was less-one.

Okay, I told myself, I have to explore life again (hence the blog). So I started going out and exploring, and eventually I was feeling content again. I was having fun being a freelancer and working from home - something that my dad lamented over because I was not meeting new guys (which is a complete 360-degree turn for him!). I think God answered his prayers because I started getting job offers from reputable, big companies...which I refused.

I told God I'm happy now, and what those companies offered me are for my previous dreams of being corporate, but not now. Not anymore. But I guess my parents' prayers were stronger than mine because I found myself working with other freelancers. No matter how tired I was in seeking out other freelancers, I was glad because I got to work with my friends, and my horizon on life was expanded. That, and I got to practice my newfound virtue of patience and control.

And when I was feeling again that "this is it!", God dropped another huge ball on my plate, one that I would have eagerly lapped up in my younger years, but one that makes me wary now. Of course I accepted it, but the responsibility makes me nervous. I want to do a great job, and I'm nervous that I might fail. My sister keeps telling me, "You're still learning, of course you'll make mistakes." (That does not comfort me at all.)

But what I realized is this: God has bigger plans for me than I do for myself.

Which is funny, because that was the thought that got me through 2013. During one of my lowest days, my friend Mia shared this with me: I have a plan for you. Do you believe me? - God

And after hearing it, I kept repeating that line to myself, and eventually sharing that with others who were also down in the dumps. I can see now that God indeed had, and has, plans for me. I actually feel plan-less because I haven't been planning the direction of my life since D-Day. After planning my life for the past five years, and have it disappear in one day, made me realize that things will always change, and no matter how much careful planning I do, things will not go the way I planned it to, especially when there's someone else in the equation.

So God has a plan for me, and it's playing out slowly. I feel a little lost and a little rudderless, but not really. I have come to realize that by letting go and letting God, I get to wonderful heights in my life I would never have thought possible. And human frailty makes me scared, but I know now that God is with me with every step.


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